A note on mothering and mothering

Mum: Bye. Love you. Have a good trip. Don’t talk to strangers.
William: The point of my trip is to talk to strangers.

Also, AQUA has a new song. LOL.

Oh hai

I know, I know, I’ve been slack, but take solace in the fact that instead of working on the essay I have to have completed for next week, I’m on here, talking to you.

First up, Magnum Opus is going fantastically. In a recent interview, I divulged some more info about it, so, here’s a second-hand exclusive from Jack Heath’s interview of me on Blurb It (HERE):

Right now – as in, the Word document is open as we speak – I’m working on my second novel, Magnum Opus. Its subtitle is: ‘The thoughts of an action hero (…who thought they had any?)’ and it follows, Danny Rooke, who, when you first meet him, is the lead character of a really poorly written action series. He knows he’s being written, but more importantly, he knows his stories suck. He lives every day waiting for his author to write his magnum opus, a perfect story. His author does eventually write this magnum opus eventually, only, Danny Rooke isn’t its lead character. How does he deal with the rejection? Not very well. This is the story of what happens to characters after they stop being written, and the lengths to which they’ll go to get written about again…

Secondly, I guest-blogged over at Persnickety Snark (HERE).

Thirdly, I’m in Queensland this weekend for my birthday/the Gold Coast Literati Festival (excitement all ’round). If you’re a local, or an overenthusiastic fan whose willing to travel halfway across the country, you should come see me. On Saturday morning (30 May), 10:30a.m. until noon, I’ll be speaking with Jack Heath at the Robina Auditorium (Robina Branch Library building). It’s free, but to make sure you get a seat, you’re best off making a booking by phoning (07) 5581 1600. There will be lulz.

I <3 patronising Jehovah’s Witnesses…

Okay, I’m all for people having their own religious beliefs, really, I am. It’s just some times, people make it really hard to be tolerant. Take the Jehovah’s Witnesses that just knocked on my door. One was Barry, dressed like a cast member from Underbelly 2, and Cheryl, she had crazy-wide eyes.

I open the door, and Barry introduces himself and Cheryl, while she stands there, smiling, nodding at intervals, staring me down with the aforementioned crazy-eyes.

First, they say that they were trying my doorbell for some time.

I apologise, it hasn’t worked for ages…

Cheryl tilts her head to oneside and scrunches up her face a bit - judgement written on every line.

I’m asked if I ever wonder why God doesn’t answer my prayers.

I say, flatly, ‘No.’ I then say that I’m a spiritually-minded person, but believe that on the off-chance there is a God, I don’t believe in any organised religion’s portrayal of Him/Her/It. If I go through bad times, it’s to learn a lesson and grow, and not because God hates me and wants to punish me for not putting money in a collection plate. Or words to that effect.

Then I’m asked, ‘But don’t you have a reverential fear of God? I mean, he made you, he gave you the air you breathe. Aren’t you afraid he might take it away?’

WTF.

I’m sorry. Just WTF.

When you put it that way – YES, I WANT TO SIGN UP TO BELIEVE IN THAT GOD!

Anyway, I say, ‘No, I don’t have a fear of God.’

Cheryl, a patronising banshee of the religious variety, finds this amusing. Keen for more of my stand-up routine, she asks if I believe in evolution. I say, ‘Yes.’

She smiles softly.

I say, ‘If there is a God, I believe that he can co-exist with evolution.’

Cheryl, God love her, replies softly and with a smile, ‘Oh, that’s a nice belief to have…’

Whoa. By this point, I’m ready to slap her crazy holier-than-thou ass back to last Tuesday. I say, ‘Sorry, but I’m kinda busy at the moment…’

This is when Barry looks me up and down, I’m wearing my baggy tracksuit pants and an old t-shirt – I’m dressed for cleaning – and he says, ‘Yes, you do look like you’re busy.’ And you could sensethe tone.

I was tempted to say, ‘I don’t have to dress like a drug-dealer from the 80s to be productive, so you, good sir, and your crazy sidekick, can shove it.’

Instead, I excused myself, smiled and shut the door.

Awkward reading

Am cleaning my bedroom this morning, Mum’s right – it’s looking like a bomb hit it. While I was dusting, I unearthed an old story I wrote in Year 11, before I won SMH Young Writer. It was written in the few months after my mate died, I was still busy being deep and not really ready to look at the comic side of grieving (see: The Waah-Waahs). On the whole, it’s dripping with sentimentality, but there’s one part that’s really knocked the wind outta me:

“We’ve gotta stop living through what we write,” he said. “I mean, I wanna stop saying what I want to say through words and scripts and stories, through the Courtneys, the Tims, the Katies. I missed out on it all because I devoted my own time to them. Giving them memories, I reckon I forgot about getting my own.”

Awkward reading much?

The things we writers sacrifice to tell you all about the Courtneys, the Tims and the Katies…

Interviewing all over the place…

This morning’s batch of new interviews:

How have you dealt with the success of Loathing Lola?

Obviously, I have to try really hard to keep myself grounded. I mean, how many other authors can say they’ve sold close to eleven copies in the space of just nine months, including seven they bought themselves? Not many. …In all seriousness though, the success has been humbling. At speaking gigs, I’d jokingly say I’d let the attention inflate my head so that my over-sized Greek facial features would (finally) be in proportion with it, but in all honestly, Loathing Lola’s reception has been humbling. Obviously, I have a strong group of friends always ready to cut me down when I have the occasional “Zomigod Dymocks has sold out AGAIN” ego moment

More lulz this way: HERE.

And back at Persnickety Snark… (HERE):

Favourite place to read?

On the bike at the gym. I do it for the message. So while you might be able to ride twice as hard as me, and for twice as long as me – I can read.

LOATHING LOLA review – Persnickety Snark

Loathing Lola is a great story with a relatable protagonist, snappy dialogue and a grasp on the random and ridiculous. Guaranteed to make you chuckle and ponder on the machinations of reality television!

For Adele Walsh’s full review, click HERE.

How was everybody’s weekend?

More SPAM lulz

Courtesy of Karolina (brides.ru anyone?):

i will weard a baby doll with no bra

GENERATION Z

Yes, I’m CLEARLY above looking directly into the camera.

http://player.video.news.com.au/news/?4rArts6H7iApstmU9ms6aCL_MZj8zmmU

Who says SPAM comments can’t be fun?

So, a SPAMbot recently left a comment on Moar Omegle Lulz. Her name (I don’t know why I think it’s a she, but yeah, gender bias ftw) was the ever-so-subtle With This Diet I Shed Thirty Póunds in Thirty Days, and her comment?

Hi, nice post. I have been wondering about this issue, so thanks for blogging. I’ll likely be subscribing to your blog. Keep up the good posts.

Well, if it’s one thing Moar Omegle Lulz did, it’s tackle the hard-hitting issue of MissyElliotting with a journalistic force the likes of which the world has never known.

Now, I’m gunna crawl back into my hole and finish this crappy essay.

[EDIT] I Shed Thirty Póunds in Under a Month is a cybertramp. She just left the same comment on my other blog. Hurt feelings… inside…

My blogging monogamy is over!

I know. I haven’t been on in a few days. It’s inexcusable. See, the truth is, I’ve been two-timing you, and… well, you were going to find out eventually, so it’s better I just say it. There’s another blog. I’m sorry. Please, don’t cry. Look, I’ll still come back and post the random stuff you like – I mean, you think I’d leave without first having taking the MissyElliotting crown from Ellie? I think not. This just means I’ll be blogging elsewhere too. This site is for me, my shenanigans and my writing, the new one is sort of a one-stop shop for all things literary – news, reviews, interviews. It’s really shaping up to be something awesome. It’s the Boomerang Book Blog. Click HERE.

Go on.

Oh, and we give away free books monthly.